I wish I could tell you that I don’t ever stress as an autistic person. I wish that I could tell you that I am a professional and that I have mastered the art of destressing and staying calm, but the truth is I stress. Ever since I was a kid dealing with stress has never come easy for me as an autistic person. In fact, many of my childhood memories are covered with significant stress. Naturally I want to have it all together, but I don’t.
Going to my second home, The Hospital
Most of my childhood memories involve some kind of drastic stress. Even now I need to be held and calmed down thinking about those stressful times. It would be easy to just run away and avoid working through it. But running away from stress will not solve all our problems. As a child my best way to deal with stress was to climb to the top of the trees in my backyard. There tucked away in the branches swaying in the breeze was my guaranteed place of calm.
As I grew up, I realized that life doesn’t prepare you for dealing with sudden stress. I have tried to be better prepared, but sadly I developed the unhealthy trait of self-isolation. Overtime this caused me to live more privately and hidden. Everyone else was experiencing pleasant social interactions, like going to sporting events, malls, concerts, and rooms full of people, but I was slowly withdrawing from many things in daily life. Even today the struggle to join these events is still current in my life, and that is extremely frustrating for me. I can’t tell you how much I want to go to a major league baseball game, or a professional soccer match, yet I have not been successful in checking these off my bucket list. This is not ok with me; something must be done to overcome this in my life. Why can’t I kick stress in the bum and bid it good riddance? Will I ever accomplish this?
You should have seen my meltdown 15 years ago when my wife Susan and I got married. We were an hour late to the reception because I was curled up on the floor in the back room after the ceremony unable to lift my head due to extreme stress. Susan was quickly learning the importance of calming me down to help me transition through many of life’s hurdles. She became one of my best navigators to guide me tenderly over and around sudden stressful moments. She is a rock of support in my life, and together we ride those hurdles as they come our way.
When our first son came it was one of the most stressful moments in my entire life, and that is not an exaggeration. Susan’s family had a history of cardiac issues, and this put her and our son at great risk. Her blood pressure was so high that the doctors decided to induce her and deliver the baby 1 month early. The fact is I almost lost both during delivery that day. Even our normally calm doctor showed great signs of stress in his voice. I had no option to let stress overtake me, but as always it did. I spent the whole 12 hours before delivery curled up in the bathroom of the hospital throwing up and my body was shutting down.
How was I supposed to be a protector for my wife and son when I couldn’t even stand up in times of extreme stress? I felt like a loser, weakling, and unworthy to care for these sweet and precious lives. After our 2nd son came with a pleasant C-section a couple years later, I almost felt like I could surf the waves of having children better by then. But little did I know how my life was about to change through the COVID years, or how suddenly and drastically my own body would change. My stress levels were about to go through the roof.
Thankfully over the years I have been learning how to stim by playing the piano, and it helped greatly. Susan was working as a server in a steak restaurant, and I was the stay-at-home daddy with 2 young boys. So, I sat down to the piano and took out my stress on the keys, while the boys sat at my feet playing with blocks and listening to the music. But there was a great problem growing deep inside my body that I was unaware of; my pancreas had gone into Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency.
I lost 30 pounds very quickly and became extremely malnourished. Before long I was unable to digest any of my food and diarrhea had become normal. I was wasting into a critical care patient, and Susan and I had to rapidly make major life choices. 2 years ago, we had to face the difficult reality that she had to quit work to come home and take care of me full time. We moved to another state to access “Premier Medical Facilities” for my pancreas. I was declining rapidly, and there was nothing we could do to stop the sinking ship. We were without income, and without health stability, and this was our life crisis of exponential proportions. Then my dad died unexpectedly and left us all in shock. How was I to cope with any of this extreme stress?
The sad day I had to start weekly IV fluids
I declined so rapidly that I had to stop playing the piano and was being pushed around in a wheelchair. I was on IV fluids for months, and my doctors were trying to make me as comfortable as possible. They said my connective tissue disorder had gotten into my pancreas and there was nothing else they could do. Game Over. My family was watching their loved one die, and my stress levels had hit the roof. I was unable to stop my ship from sinking.
It was during this critical time that I stumbled upon the concept of eustress. Webster’s Dictionary defines Eustress as, “a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on health, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being.” There was nothing positive about my situation. Where was I to find healthy stress? But the more I investigated it, I realized that many scientists agreed and believe that there is a healthy form of stress. In fact, our attitude towards stress could pivot from negative stress to healthy stress if we choose to let it do so. I thought all of these “scholars” were a bit wacky at first. But whether I liked it or not, I had to come to terms with how I viewed stress.
A room with a relaxing view does help a lot
One year ago, we moved to a house in the country, a place so remote that we see deer in our driveway every night. It was in this place that our family started to feel our stress levels go down. I chose to start writing again, and I chose to have a good attitude about it. It was there that something special started to happen. I had hope again that I could keep working as a writer even though the odds were against me. Quietness began to set in, and we realized that finding new ways to stim was highly important. Maybe not all our stress had to be bad stress. What if some of our scenarios could be channeled into a positive stress category? Was it mind over matter? Possibly.
Many quiet days passed and something was happening deep inside my body. I could breathe better because my muscles were not tight from stress. I could even laugh from time to time. But it was not until 3 months ago that we really saw what was happening with my body scientifically. My doctors tested my pancreas again and my numbers had radically improved. I was in Severe Exocrine Insufficiency for over 5 years, but now, my pancreas is working again. What?
Lately, I have been eating whatever I want, and my digestive system is working again, and it’s shocking everyone. My doctors asked me, “Troy what have you done differently?” And we had done nothing, except choose to channel negative stress into positive stress. And now looking into 2026 I have a whole new lease on life, with a body that is miraculously turning around for the better. Who knows, maybe I’ll go to a Soccer Match this year?
Now some might say this is just coincidence or a fluke, but we know for a fact that when we choose to overcome negative stress with a mental shift, things change. I know that not everyone can pick up and move to an isolated location, but we can choose to react differently to stress. Negative stress ruins your body, but your attitude towards it can help you overcome impossible hurdles. Don’t let negative stress overtake your life. It’s at least worth a try, and we as a family will be doing that from here on out.
Troy Krombholz, Published Author, Musician, and Autism Advocate, can be found on social media @TroyKrombholz (Facebook, You Tube, Instagram) or by emailing him at ContactTroyK@gmail.com.
