I was that kid who couldn’t always focus well in class, and not mildly so, but in a way that interfered with my ability to blend in with society in a school setting. I would frequently miss instructions, not pick up on various learning cues and have difficulty processing many parts of concepts that my teachers would teach me. Thankfully, when I got diagnosed with ASD at 3.5 years old, my mother picked up on this part about me right away. She knew I needed extra help in the classroom and that it was the best way to maximize my full potential.
The way to address this? I would have educational assistants in my classroom specifically for me in my elementary years to help me with my many developmental delays. As my mother wanted me to function in a regular classroom and eventually go to college and enter the workplace, the job of the EAs was to help me with where I was struggling in regular professional situations to gain independence.
Speaking of independence, as I talked about in my article about living at home, there isn’t only one specific way people can become more independent. Just because someone’s way may not be conventional, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Autistic people often need more time to reach milestones, and that’s okay (Smith et al., 2012).
Let’s further explore how me being dependent on adults in virtually all situations became me being able to manage most things in life on my own today.
Learning Through Support During Early School Years
Because of my focus struggles in elementary school, I needed prompting on almost everything to fully invest in a class lesson and fully complete my work. There were days I was too distracted by other classroom stimuli to even focus on the teacher, and even when I did try to listen, I had a hard time remembering everything. Indeed, distractions because of sensory issues are very common in autistic individuals (Murphy et al., 2015). Additionally, memory in some aspects can be difficult for autistic children (Digitale, 2023).
Dependence on additional adults in the room helped me feel safe and secure whenever I had difficulties in the classroom. Some peers may have had the attitude that I need to “grow up” and “be more independent”, but I simply didn’t know how to do so without at least some support. I knew that I couldn’t reach some milestones I wanted to if I was entirely on my own, and this is why I appreciated the EA support I had. It’s important to note that they weren’t allowed to do the work for me, and that their job was to give me additional guidance on tasks. As studies show, early intervention is super important for autistic children (Maksimovic et al. 2023), getting help from EAs in a regular classroom is a prime example of early intervention.
High School’s Shifting Expectations
Because EA supports in my district typically went from “working with students one-on-one” in elementary school to being “a resource material to anyone who needs help” in high school and that my teachers and EAs late in elementary noted that I was doing things a lot more independently than I used to in past school years (taking notes, following instructions without prompting, attempting to do work on my own and then getting guidance after), the withdrawal assistance was no longer necessary for me in high school.
However, I was placed in a program for students with learning struggles during my first two years of high school, and there were EAs in most of these classes (it wasn’t like I flipped suddenly from being totally dependent to being able to do academic level courses like many of my peers were taking). The difference was the EAs in these classrooms weren’t there just for me, but for anyone. Did I need support in some areas? Yes, especially when I was anxious, had a harder time than usual grasping concepts or did tasks involving a lot of motor planning (like anything involving tech such as cooking, auto body, landscaping or manufacturing) but this kind of EA support was totally manageable for me by the time I was a teen. I was never left behind or anything.
As to how I got better at taking notes, managing my time, following instructions carefully and staying on task? At one point in grade seven, I was getting much lower grades than most other people in my class, and because I hate losing and being singled out (being bottom tier isn’t a good feeling), this motivated me more than ever to try harder. As for the processes themselves? I think they just clicked naturally as soon as I got older due to the relentless support I received from many adults during the first 13 years of my life, and that is another reason why I did better academically in high school than in elementary school. Indeed, modifying a mainstream classroom environment with the right support is beneficial in the long run (Petersson-Bloom, 2022).
Applying What I Learned in College and Work
Because I was confident in most of my adult settings, I can’t say my independence was tested too much, even though there were some college courses and work tasks where I still felt like I was behind everyone else because I process material differently. Not completely unmanageable, but enough for some professors and managers to be concerned while I addressed these things to improve. The lessons I learned in my earlier school years such as self-advocacy, time management, responsibility and so much more, have stuck with me, and for this reason, I found myself doing well in various settings. In my experience, when I have struggled more than usual, it’s been more about environmental mismatch rather than not actually having skills.
For instance, in 2014, I briefly attended a college program (science-related) at a college two hours away from home for two months and dropped out of it because I was severely struggling with the course material. I did worse than virtually everyone in the program, so I asked myself, “Why?” I realized I don’t do well in programs when so much material is crammed at me at once and when there is huge emphasis on test marks rather than assignments and projects. I can confidently say that even if I had withdrawal EA support in this program like I did in elementary, that I would still fail because it was that difficult.
Three years later, I returned to my previous college in my hometown, where I had taken my first college program from 2011 to 2013. While I struggled with some aspects, overall, I did much better—not just because of the program’s structure, but also because most of my professors were supportive and I was fully independent by then. I applied all the skills I had learned in my programs, though my results were stronger in some areas than others.
Why Redefining Progress is Important
Why is this experience important for me? Because it challenges people’s perceptions that needing extra help in school means there is limited potential later. With a strong support system, a desire to do well and the right environment, I firmly believe that anyone, autistic or not, can achieve things they want to in life if people give them a chance. A person who severely struggles in school early on can still make the honor roll in high school and college. I was that person, and I’m not the first or the last. Progress isn’t linear or super predictable (Venus and Mars, 2023) because to me, it’s just a bunch of small, meaningful steps that can lead to unexpected results, but then once you experience them, you also realize that these unexpected results add up and pay off in many ways.
The Process? Lifelong
My story is one of many examples from autistic adults where struggling to the point of needing almost constant supervision can easily lead to being able to self-advocate independently in virtually all areas of life. Every time I have difficulties with something, I ask myself, “What can I do to improve and what kind of support system do I need to address these things?” I wasn’t fully capable of doing that during my elementary school years when I needed additional support, but with the life skills I learned, I’ve been able to ask the above question as an adult. It’s important that if you need extra help with something, you’re not being held back; you’re just moving forward in the best way possible to eventually achieve great things.
Cory Morrison is a Freelance Writer. He can be reached by email at corymorrison93@gmail.com or phone at (647) 338-9095.
References
Digitale, E. (2023, July 10). Children with autism have broad memory difficulties, Stanford Medicine-led study finds. News Center. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2023/07/children-autism-memory.html
Maksimović S, Marisavljević M, Stanojević N, Ćirović M, Punišić S, Adamović T, Đorđević J, Krgović I, Subotić M. Importance of Early Intervention in Reducing Autistic Symptoms and Speech-Language Deficits in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Children (Basel). 2023 Jan 6;10(1):122. doi: 10.3390/children10010122. PMID: 36670672; PMCID: PMC9857540.
Morrison, C. (2025, July 9). Living at Home as an Autistic Adult: When Society Confuses Support with Failure. Autism Spectrum News. https://autismspectrumnews.org/living-at-home-as-an-autistic-adult-when-society-confuses-support-with-failure/
Murphy JW, Foxe JJ, Peters JB, Molholm S. Susceptibility to distraction in autism spectrum disorder: probing the integrity of oscillatory alpha-band suppression mechanisms. Autism Res. 2014 Aug;7(4):442-58. doi: 10.1002/aur.1374. Epub 2014 Mar 27. PMID: 24678054; PMCID: PMC4183200.
Petersson-Bloom L, Holmqvist M. Strategies in supporting inclusive education for autistic students-A systematic review of qualitative research results. Autism Dev Lang Impair. 2022 Sep 21;7:23969415221123429. doi: 10.1177/23969415221123429. PMID: 36382073; PMCID: PMC9620685.
Smith LE, Maenner MJ, Seltzer MM. Developmental trajectories in adolescents and adults with autism: the case of daily living skills. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2012 Jun;51(6):622-31. doi: 10.1016/j.jaac.2012.03.001. Epub 2012 Apr 24. PMID: 22632621; PMCID: PMC3361701.
Venus and Mars. (2023). PROGRESS IS NOT LINEAR: for inspired someone in special day.
