I could never relate to most social media posts with self-care ideas, especially the ones showing nails getting done or drinking wine in a bathtub. The thought of going to a beauty salon has always given me anxiety, and baths were never my thing. I couldn’t really find self-care tips or ideas that I enjoyed or that felt good afterward. And I didn’t understand why. It all started to make sense once I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 34 years old: my brain works differently. And though every autistic individual’s experience is unique, I believe most of us would agree that the self-care being sold out there doesn’t seem to work for us.
Spas and beauty salons, with their noises, lights, and small talk, can be a sensory nightmare; meditation, though beneficial, can be an overwhelming experience; and adding extra activities in the name of “self-care” to our (possibly already complicated) routines can lead to frustration, meltdowns, and even burnout. However, self-care is not just a buzzword with capitalist implications. According to this article from the National Institute of Health (NIH), self-care is “taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.” Considering that we are 4-times more likely to experience depression in our lifetime, that at least 40% of us have elevated anxiety, and that we are at a much higher risk of suicide compared to the general population, I believe prioritizing it is crucial to maintain our mental health and well-being. But it is also crucial that we find “autistic-centered” self-care practices.
What is Autistic-Centered Self-Care?
When I took a look at the NIH article’s “self-care tips section,” my anxiety started to build up. While one can’t deny that eating healthy and exercising, for example, are important for our overall health, these activities usually require effort and structure that don’t play well with executive dysfunction. For me, they feel more like chores that drain my energy instead of recharging it. The reason why popular self-care tips we can find on the internet and social media don’t seem to work for us is because they were not created or thought out with us in mind. If our brain works differently from the neuro majority, our needs will be different from theirs, and so should be our self-care routines. So, autistic-centered self-care is self-care that caters to the autistic experience and needs, keeping in mind that each of us is unique and that our needs ebb and flow.
What Does an Autistic-Centered Self-Care Practice Look Like?
As someone who is currently working on getting out of autistic burnout, I have been thinking a lot about this, and, well, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Each of us is truly unique. What works for me can lead to a meltdown or shutdown for other autistics, and vice-versa. However, there are common threads that can help find a self-care practice that works.
For example, we know that autistic individuals of all ages struggle with emotional regulation to a certain degree. Emotional regulation is not only an important aspect of autistic existence; it is also a major factor affecting our mental health. As I reflected on my own experience with self-care and autistic burnout, I came to realize that I had been neglecting my emotional regulation “coping mechanisms” for a long time. And in all honesty, I didn’t even know I was doing it because I didn’t know what these coping mechanisms were in the first place. Simple things like singing in the shower, having time to hyperfocus on my special interests, using my creativity, and learning are not just regular activities. They are all essential to my emotional regulation.
Sensory processing is another important aspect for us, and that is linked to our emotional regulation. Understanding our sensory profile is an important step to finding self-care practices that work for our needs. For example, I seek vestibular input because I am under-sensitive, but I am over-sensitive when it comes to touch and smells. For me, having vestibular input, like moving around my house and rocking on my chair while working, is essential for my sensory regulation, and that helps with my emotional regulation as well.
Perhaps you or your autistic loved one needs a lot of downtime and quiet, while other autistics need a high volume of sensory stimulation. For me, though I enjoy and need to “chill,” if I do that for too long during the day, I have difficulty sleeping at night because I don’t give my brain enough stimulation. Often, taking care of myself is putting the same Frozen 2 song on repeat and moving around the house while singing to it as if I am rehearsing for Broadway. The more I read about the common threads of having an autistic brain, the more I understand my own needs and what self-care looks like for me.
Now, once we find what works, it is important to make these activities part of our routines. The good news is that they are probably already part of our lives, and we haven’t realized it yet. If that is the case, great! I understand, however, that life gets in the way, and we might stop doing the things that are beneficial to us for one reason or another, also without realizing it. I know that became true for me. That is when prioritizing these self-care activities (or whatever you want to call it) may be necessary.
If I know that I need to stim while working and have breaks to move around, I need to make sure my environment and accommodations allow me to do that. If I need quiet time but have trouble sensing what my body needs, then let’s schedule those breaks. Adding labeled alarm reminders on my phone has been a big help, even for the basics, like food. If what I need is to hyperfocus like there is no tomorrow, I try to bring snacks, fidget toys, and noise-canceling headphones to accompany my session. And if what I need is a bit of my day or my week where I have no structure at all, then I might need to make an effort to make that happen. I know this last example can be a hard one for me to keep up with, but for me personally, it is the most important one for my needs, at least at the moment. Perhaps I need to make it a non-negotiable self-care practice. Perhaps we all need to have non-negotiables in order to really prioritize our autistic-centered self-care practice.
Izabelle Azevedo is an openly autistic visual storyteller, content creator, and mental health and neurodiversity self-advocate who writes from her own experience. Izabelle’s work can be found at Cloudful Drive and RedSkirtMedia.com. You can follow/contact her on LinkedIn or Instagram @DizabledWithAZ and @CloudfulDrive.
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