Christmas is just around the corner. Unlike the white, snow-covered wonderland that many associate with Christmas, the festive season can be very lively and noisy and filled with appointments and various stimuli.
There is a well-known quote that I think puts into words the way autistic children perceive the world:
“Reality to an autistic person is a confusing, interacting mass of events, people, places, sounds, and sights. There seems to be no clear boundaries, order or meaning to anything. A large part of my life is spent trying to work out the pattern behind everything. Set routines, times, particular routes, and rituals all help to get order into an unbearably chaotic life. Trying to keep everything the same reduces some of the terrible fear” (Jolliffee et al., 1992).
The environment to which autistic children are exposed influences how the children feel, how they behave, and how well they cope in the classroom, during vacations, or at holidays.
We Can See the Child’s Needs and Take Action
Autistic children may perceive very intensively. When it comes to Christmas, to this noise-filled and colorful time of year, sounds, smells, guests in the house, and changes in routine and scenery can be overwhelming, stressful, and scary for an autistic child.
In positive terms, this means that we, as parents and caregivers, have opportunities to make things pleasant for our children. This does not mean wrapping them in cotton wool (idiomatic) and completely isolating them from anything that could stress them out.
However, it does mean taking their needs seriously and organizing everyday life accordingly, be it at school, during vacation, or this upcoming Christmas season.
Consequently, as a caregiver, parent, or relative, we need to:
- Be aware of needs
- Be able to read the child’s daily mood and recognize possible stressors
- Be flexible and able to adapt to changes in the daily routine
- Find ways out of situations that are extremely stressful and/or frightening for the child
- React if necessary to challenging behavior
Many autistic people have one or more of their senses, either oversensitive or undersensitive. For example, they may have very sensitive hearing and find background noises unbearably loud or even painful.
Smells, Bright Lights, Noises, and Guests
Various stimuli, such as light and noise, intrude unhindered and cannot be separated into relevant and irrelevant. Everything is perceived with the same intensity, or some noises may have a shrill or painful effect on the child. All in all, this leads to a Sensory Overload.
Some children then react with aggression or auto-aggressive behavior. Other children simply switch off and are then no longer accessible to their environment (called a Shutdown).A major challenge for autistic children at holidays such as Christmas can be sensory overload. Sometimes, the kitchen odors disturb our children, especially as there is a lot of baking and cooking going on during the run-up to Christmas. (Of course, some children also like certain smells; I knew a child who liked the smell (and taste?) of cinnamon and “stole” a cinnamon stick at nursery).
Artificial Christmas scents can be very overpowering. You and your relatives can avoid Christmas sensory overloads by avoiding scented candles or wearing excessive perfume.
Flashing fairy lights can be overwhelming, and the combination of flashing lights and sounds can lead to sensory overload.
Consider whether you can avoid this when decorating. Also, tell any relatives or friends you are going to that something like this can hurt your child.
Music and Concerts
Music at Christmas can delight one child, whereas music, even well-played recorder music, can lead to excessive demands for the other child.
Be aware of the various and individually different triggers and consider in advance what will help. It is best to plan your Christmas period, particularly with your family and friends.
If there are events outside the school, talk to the school staff and any accompanying persons in advance:
- Will there be music?
- Will it be loud?
- Should the audience join in?
- Is there a place to go back to? (An adjoining room? A playroom?)
Autistic children may need more repetitions when throwing a basket in sports or until a presentation is understood. This need might also apply to a nativity play or family music at home. A Christmas play at home, for example, is a brilliant opportunity to rehearse something like this. At nursery, you can start with a trusted adult, and then other children can join in.
Is it possible to take part with an autistic child? As parents, you can assess this as you are in constant communication with educators or teachers about what your child can contribute. Above all, the question should be: Can your child enjoy it? It would be ideal for your child to enjoy taking part in a nativity play or making something for Christmas at school.
Look Ahead and Visualize
Make sure that all plans are visualized and accessible to everyone involved. This way, your child, in particular, will know what you are going to do and when, and who else is coming to visit at Christmas.
In particular, plan for you as a parent/caregiver to have quiet days to recover if needed. Create or find a quiet space where you can take a break when things get too much for you as a parent. You may want this space to be completely Christmas-free, especially around the main holidays.
To me, it is important that we understand that Christmas can be difficult for autistic people because new, unfamiliar, and surprising things happen there and then in heaps. Talk openly about the need for rest and relaxation.
Planning ahead can be a huge relief for both kids and adults. But there is one rule: plans can sometimes change. In this case, it is good that the visualization can be adapted quickly, like the picture strips that we used in childcare or the pictures that I got to know in my early days as an educator in the crèche. Although it will be difficult to explain a change to the autistic child, the main thing is that it remains clear what the next steps look like.
Everything should be aimed at enabling the child to understand processes in advance, making them “pre-understandable,” as I like to say. Because understanding it afterward is too late.
It Is Ok to Want Peace and Quiet
In our lively and noisy and always busy world, I believe we have forgotten one thing: It is OK to want peace and quiet.
For example, if your child has made it very clear that they don’t like Christmas, simply provide them with as much quiet time as is feasible instead. Create a quiet space for the child, too, a space that is completely Christmas-free and filled with their favorite things. You’ll be doing everyone involved a favor.
Things that are considered ‘sacred’ or a ‘tradition’ that absolutely have to happen in your family can be challenging for an autistic child to comply with.
There are traditions that are carried out, even if this is associated with great stress for the child: for example, the Christmas nativity play or a church service. A Christmas service in a crowded and lively gospel congregation can end badly.
I recommend the option of attending an event via a broadcast. Or you can set about the task at the beginning of December and contact parishes or organizers: Find out which church offers low-sensory events or gets by with lots of silence and meditation and quieter songs. There should also be an understanding of timeouts.
“To illustrate their importance, timeouts are comparable to an overheating safety switch on electrical appliances.” Explains Katja Carstensen, an actually autistic mother of an autistic child, in an impressive way: “If it is bypassed, the appliance will inevitably break” (Katja Carstensen, 2009).
It is important to inform relatives that the child may need to rest from time to time. Hopefully, no one in the family will take it amiss if an autistic child wants to withdraw time and again to recover from the many impressions.
Allow Stimming and Other Aids
If it is very bright in a concert hall or a church and spotlights are directed at your child, the child should wear sunglasses, even if others may find this strange.
I also count stimming as such an aid because this self-stimulatory behavior, such as repetitive hand movements or rocking back and forth, helps the child to cope with many impressions (internal and external). And there are stimming toys that they can also take to events.
Visiting Others
“For many autistic children, any touch that is unexpected is uncomfortable” (Bishop, 2011). Touch can also have a prolonged effect on autistic people due to the different ways in which they process their perceptions; they then feel the sensory impression for a long time afterward.
If you are visiting family and/or friends, let them know anything they can do to make your visit as stress-free as possible:
- Ask them to announce surprises in advance
- Get to know if there are any plans for activities, such as the cousins playing the recorder
- Let them know in advance if your child has any food preferences and, if so, what they are
- They should switch off the Christmas lights if it is an issue for your child
There are autistic children who eat very selectively. In general, it is a good idea to stick to your favorite meals, familiar mealtimes, and routines as much as possible.
It is important to consult with relatives, but it is also important to bring meals yourself if necessary.
Your child may also love their own Christmas rituals or routines – and get upset if these rituals cannot take place. Prioritize the child’s preferences and rituals, but make ‘contracts’ that the child will also get to know the preferences of other family members at Christmas.
Remind your relatives that your child is not rude or badly behaved just because they don’t like to be hugged.
Excitement and Christmas Presents
Even gifts are (sometimes) unpleasant surprises. Autistic children like things to be clear. They also like clear structures and procedures. Correlating with the preference for familiar processes and environments is the reluctance to be surprised. This means that Christmas presents can also lead to tension and stress or exhaust the child due to great excitement.
The ‘gift-giving’ time can also be overwhelming: the excitement, the possible surprises (uncertainty!), the number of presents, the wrapping and unwrapping, and the unclear expectations of how to react after receiving a gift.
As parents, you could try to let family and friends know in advance what you prefer, including the number of gifts: make a list of the gifts you would like to receive.
Some children are inconsolable if the gift is not what they expected. In this case, it helps to think together with the child about what exactly they want.
The child could fill out a gift list (this should be age/developmentally appropriate). It is best to choose “special” gifts for the child. This may sound strange, but it reduces stress. And clarify whether the presents should be wrapped or not.
Silent Night
We have to recognize that there are the stressors mentioned above for both autistic kids and adults. However, by recognizing those stressors and implementing calming strategies, the holiday season can become a more enjoyable experience for autistic individuals.
The Christmas season is longed for by some people – I am definitely one of them – but is shunned and anxiously feared by others. The basic idea of Christmas is actually quite ‘autism-friendly’: a ‘silent night,’ a manageable number of guests and presents, with a very small family in the middle. And it is all about being considerate of the newborn.
But there are probably also odors (Farmyard smell! Incense!), the arrival of the guests was not exactly timed, and the child had not yet been born when the state was on hand to annoy the family with tax matters, and as soon as the child was born, the ruler sought the child’s life!
Whichever way you look at it, Christmas remains kind of ambivalent: At this time of year, sounds, smells, guests in your home, surprises and changes of plans, and our normal daily routines can be unsettling for an autistic child and trigger sensory overload. Be mindful of the child’s needs and take measures in advance. Many parents have experienced how their children feel good at Christmas. And so that adults with autism can have good memories of Christmas, we can do a lot to ensure an autism-friendly environment.
Have a good time and many wonderful experiences and, above all, many steps forward.
David Boehme is an Educator and Teaching Assistant from Germany. For more information and to contact the author, visit LinkedIn.
This extended English version of the article first appeared on Linkedin.
References and Recommended Literature
Attwood Tony (2007): The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Bishop, Beverly / Bishop, Craig Bishop (2011): My Friend with Autism: A Coloring Book for Peers and Siblings, Future Horizons Inc. // Bishop … 3rd, revised edition
Carstensen, Katja (2009): Das Asperger-Syndrom: Alltag, Schule und Beruf, Norderstedt: Book on demands.
Frith, Uta (2008). Autism: A very short introduction. Oxford University Press.
Jolliffe, T., Lansdown, R., and Robinson, C. (1992). Autism: a personal account. London: The National Autistic Society.
Notbohm, Ellen (2012): Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, Third Edition, Future Horizon Inc.
