On Father’s Day, we honor fathers, as well as the many paternal figures and mentors who make a meaningful difference in our families and our communities. It also feels like an opportune time to discuss fatherhood engagement in our systems of care, which can often feel like a hurdle to navigate for dads…like me!
Rabbi Simcha Weinstein with his son Eli
When “autism” first entered our family’s world, I instinctively built a wall of denial. Deep down, I was terrified for our son’s future, for the stigma of a label, and for how this news would echo through our tight-knit Jewish community, especially since I was serving as a rabbi. I felt I had to stay strong, solve everyone else’s problems, and never burden them with my own.
Systems seemed to inadvertently assign my wife the role of “emotional bedrock” and slot me into the “strong, silent” type. I’m neither strong nor silent; it was just self-preservation. I recall the sitcom dads of my youth, bottling up emotions in recliners. Systems, take note: that façade of “strong and silent” often hides fear and confusion.
In the stages of acceptance, denial comes first. Our brains protect by rejecting what’s hard to face. But denial only offers temporary relief. Ultimately, it kept me from fully engaging with the early intervention services our child needed. I had to come to terms with our new reality and step into my role.
Meanwhile, my wife found her tribe, a vibrant network of lived-experience peers, Facebook Live Q&As, Instagram meet-ups, and virtual support circles. Meanwhile, dads like me were still feeling a little solo in our solidarity, figuring things out one step at a time.
Without dwelling on gender stereotypes and icky tropes, it does seem harder for many dads to talk about feelings. Machismo clashes with vulnerability. Over time, I embraced advocacy, what I now call “Dadvocacy.” For the record, my license plate reads: DADVOC8.
Recently, at the 45th Annual Legislative Disability Legislative Awareness Day (shout-out to fellow “Dadvocate,” Assemblyman Angelo Santabarbara, Chair of the Assembly Committee on People with Disabilities), I was officially introduced as “Dadvocate” on the floor of the assembly, one for the books! In my role as a Family Peer Advocate, I’ve been able to develop and deliver training on father-centric engagement across New York State. I’ve found that systems are eager to engage, and I’m grateful.
Why Father Engagement Matters
Decades of research confirm what many of us feel intuitively: when fathers and father figures step up, whole families thrive. A landmark systematic review found that greater father involvement is linked to fewer behavior problems and better social-emotional adjustment in children (Sarkadi et al., 2008). Early father engagement also independently predicts higher educational attainment by early adulthood (Flouri & Buchanan, 2006). And my colleague TJ Curtis (2024) reminds us when systems pigeonhole dads into an “other” category, they overlook these vital contributions.
Practical Steps for Systems and Providers
- Honor Dads in Imagery & Language. Feature men as caregivers in photos and materials. Label every form with “father,” not just “parent.”
- Train Staff as Inclusive Partners. Encourage intake teams to actively invite dads into meetings and decision-making rather than handing them a brochure.
- Streamline Legal Standing. Simplify paternity and consent processes so no father is locked out of supports.
- Disaggregate Your Data. Track engagement by parental role, race, and relationship status to spot and address gaps.
- Embed Fatherhood Specialists. Include a dedicated “male-role champion” on each team to understand and address fathers’ unique hurdles.
My Dadvocacy in Action
I’ve taken my “Dadvocating: Centering Fathers in Child Welfare and Family Support” workshops on the road, sharing candid stories of my own missteps alongside hands-on tactics. Sessions seem to resonate because they meet fathers where they are: grappling with fear, hope, pride, and that fierce, uncomplicated love for our kids.
When we recognize fathers and all paternal figures as equal partners in policy, practice, and research, we don’t just strengthen individual families; we unlock one of our greatest under-used assets, and that’s the heart of Dadvocating.
So this Father’s Day (and every day) let’s honor and elevate the Dadvocates like my friend Steve Gonyea, who transformed a barn into a therapeutic autism playground, bringing joy and inclusion to Oneida County. Dads like my buddy Steve (not Minecraft Steve), fellow Family Peer Advocate TJ, and Assemblyman Angelo show that when dads step up, it not only blesses their kids but lifts up the whole state.
Simcha Weinstein is a best-selling author, syndicated columnist, and the Community Engagement and Inclusion Coordinator at Families Together in New York State. He is also the founder of the Jewish Autism Network, a grassroots initiative, and serves as the Brooklyn lead for NYADD—the New York Alliance for Developmental Disabilities. Dubbed “New York’s Hippest Rabbi” by PBS, Simcha lives in Brooklyn, New York.
References
Curtis, T. J. (2024, October 21). The importance of incorporating active fathers in the home while their children are receiving services. PeerTAc. https://peertac.org/2024/10/21/the-importance-of-incorporating-active-fathers-in-the-home-while-their-child-children-are-receiving-services/
Flouri, E., & Buchanan, A. (2006). Early father’s and mother’s involvement and child’s later educational outcome. British Journal of Educational Psychology, 76(Pt 1), 41–55. https://doi.org/10.1348/000709905X52508
Sarkadi, A., Kristiansson, R., Oberklaid, F., & Bremberg, S. (2008). Fathers’ involvement and children’s developmental outcomes: A systematic review of longitudinal studies. Acta Paediatrica, 97(2), 153–158. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1651-2227.2007.00572.x
